Breaking up brings up emotions you never realized you had, ranging from traumatic and agonizing devastation to a strange sort of relief that it’s finally over. It can be a really terrible time. People are probably saying that you’ll get over it. Even as you realize that’s true, it’s not helping now.
Are There Kids Involved?
If you have children together, a breakup is more complicated. Unless he or she is a truly terrible and dangerous person, you have to take the long-term view. The kids deserve to have both parents in their lives. You will both be parents forever, like it or not.
It’s worth trying not to make matters worse than they already are. No matter how hurt you are, it takes two to fight. Defusing the situation now can make it possible to be civil later. There will be a lot of issues to decide, such as child support and visitation. Deciding these matters together in a way that works better for both of you is preferable to a court-imposed decision.
Regaining Your Self-Confidence
A bad breakup, whether after six months or twenty years, can do a real number on your self-confidence. The healing process has a lot to do with becoming comfortable again by yourself and rebuilding your self-confidence.
- Don’t try to hang on after it’s over. Even if there are issues to settle, give it some time until your feelings aren’t so raw. Don’t call, text, show up at their work or do drive-bys. None of this will make you feel better.
- Don’t try to keep all your emotions inside. When you’re alone, scream, cry or rant. Buried emotions have a nasty habit of popping up at the worst possible times.
- Healing starts with acceptance. It’s hard to deal with the breakup, but the time will come when it’s possible to be more objective and simply accept it.
- Have fun. Find something to do that you really enjoy that you didn’t do as a couple. This is a good time to take up something you’ve been thinking about doing, but kept postponing, such as an exercise program or an art class.
- Don’t rebound into another relationship. Wait until you feel stronger. A new relationship will have a much better chance of lasting.
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